Goals
Passion. That is the main drive to achieve your goals in life. And it has been in my life, in the early days when I wanted to be a professional musician and during those almost 2 decades that I was a conference organisor.
But never was passion so much involved as during the past 5 years with the founding and building of my foundation. After my first visit to the oncologist my main concern was what would happen to that foundation. In the 4 years of its existence we have achieved quite a lot, considering we did it without external funding and solely based on volunteers.
During my time as a cancer patient, my concept of the foundation’s goals has developed and it was my intention to achieve those goals once I would have recovered from the cancer problems. However, things sometimes don’t work out the way you hope.
One of my biggest frustrations in the current situation as a chemo patient is the fact that I don’t know how I will achieve the realisation of those goals. Certainly not for lack of passion. Twice a day, 6 days a week, I spend a couple of hours updating our websites. But at the moment that seems to be all I can handle. When my energy level allows it, I try to do some more things during the day, apart from the regular household chores, but it takes a toll.
Meeting people is the hardest. I’m grateful for the fact that they are willing to come to my place, but 1.5 hours is about all I can give them, before my brain collapses. And it takes more than a day to recover.
Apparently it doesn’t just take passion. It also needs stamina. The passion gives me the adrenalin rush I need to do what I want to do, despite the lack of stamina. That same lack of stamina makes those adrenalin rushes seem like poison, they wear me out completely. How to deal with that has become my major goal at the moment.
It is a strange shift of priorities.
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