Life of a Chemo Patient

Last week it was 3 years ago that I discovered the quickly growing lump that destined my life ever since. From previous experiences I know that 3 years is a critical time span. It is recent enough to retain correct memories and it is long enough ago to realise that it is the past. Now is the time to recount the story once more and then leave it behind. The cancer story, that is, and the whole process and all the events that came with it. I can only hope that I will find myself in a similar position some time from now about my current situation as a chemo patient.

As I probably may have made clear in my previous posts, it is not easy to accept that your life has been put upside down and that you can’t function in a way you consider proper. The only thing left is to accept things the way they are. You slowly kind of get used to the situation and start trying to cope with it.

Less than a week ago I had a glorious day, walked around town, without my cane, wearing my boots in stead of sneakers. It really lifted my spirit. But nothing is worse than the moment you realise that what you consider a (maybe improving) status quo is as fragile as the next thing.

For days now I suffer from a serious set back. The whole charade, the vibrations from the waist down, or maybe better, from the feet up continuously having the feeling that everything will go into cramps; the rheumatism in my hands and arms; the tinnitus ringing in my ears; the inner lining of my mouth sore to the point where I can hardly eat. And above all my brain stopping to function. I can’t think straight anymore; hardly can read or focus on something on the television; hardly can control my balance when moving. The fatigue is enormous, but I sleep only 5 hours a night.

It really sets you back. And knocks down (temporarely?) all hopes that you might find a way to live through and with all this. So all I wish for during the day is quietness and to stay in bed trying to rest. However, the RLS kicks me out of it time and again and somewhere in my building someone is constructing a new bathroom.