Life of a Chemo Patient

Let’s sing a different tune this time, I have been trained for it, haven’t I?

Since my last post here, things have been slowly improving. I was able to attend a conference in Munich for a week (thanks to a dear friend who drove me), went to see my parents (2 hours single train trip) for the first time in 1,5 years, went to visit friends outside town. My head was improving, I could concentrate better, I finally was on the way up. Until…

Three weeks ago, Tuesday 23 October, I woke up at 4am, with over 40C fever and an almost literally exploding left calf and foot. Antibiotics and oxycontin where the prescription; the pain in this ever swelling part of my body was excruciating. Moving through the house was suddenly at times reduced to something close to crawling.

During the following days of that week, the skin burst open on 3 different locations, and the fever refused to go down resulting in me being hospitalized the following Monday with a real, very serious cellulitis.

It took 4 days to get the fever down, as one of the wounds appeared to be co-infected with a pseudomonas. After a week I was dismissed from the hospital, with 3 holes in my leg and 4 different antibiotics (for the very brave amongst you, here is a picture ).

I’m home now for a week. Maybe one tends to forget the bad things in life, but this feels worse than most of the moments after the cancer. Although the wounds appear to be healing (very) slowly, the pain is continuous, it smells like hell, I’m feeling dirty all the time. Those of you who know me are aware of my hypermotility, which means that I can not maintain any bodily position for a longer period, as my joints will create havoc. I can’t stand but for a few seconds, sitting is hell as I have to shift my position due to my joints, but where ever I put my left leg, just avoiding to lean on calf or ankle makes it into hell. When I walk, my leg seems to explode. And despite the bandages, the wounds continue to leak, obliging me to wash sheets and towels every day.

Remember, I’m a chemo patient, so all this comes on top of the walking and balancing difficulties I already had. Although my head was improving, taking 4 different antibiotics a day on top of the neuropathy makes it spin 24/7.

And what never happened during all the time after the cancer is happening now, friends bring meals, shop, wash dishes. I am eternally grateful for their help, but after decades of being alone, being dependent is one of the hardest things to cope with.

It certainly is not the song I was prepared to sing, but you can’t always choose your repertoire.