4 Years
Today, 28 March 2010, it’s 4 years ago that I went into surgery for a hemorrhoid and came out with a diagnose for NHL.
But I’m still alive and kicking. The kicking however is mostly caused by sudden attacks of RLS. And the fact that I’m alive is something my body makes me notice at every single minute of the day from the moment I get up in the morning till I fall asleep at night. Apart from the (inside of) my chest everything else hurts, almost continuously. Hence the difficulties to walk and move.
And there still is my chemo brain. Especially the problems with multi-tasking sometimes cause serious concern. But hey, is it bad having problems handling more than 2 things at the same time in stead of 11, as used to be before?
Of course this cake has some icing as well, the everlasting, never-ending fatigue.
Does all this bother me? Yes, it does, as I can not function the way I did before. Does it bother others? I suppose it does, as I’m hardly capable of maintaining social contacts.
The “funny” part of it is that I don’t know whether some of my problems might be age related. I’m turning 55 this summer, so I was 50 when this all started. I’ve missed 4 important years from the natural process of aging because of the pain and the fog in my head.
In my mind I still feel like an 18 year old, people keep telling me that I look no older than 45 but my body behaves as if I were 90. I suppose I just have to consider myself lucky that I can experience young, full bloom and senior adulthood all at the same time.
Looking back at these 4 years, would I have done things differently? Since it still seems impossible, although I have my suspicions, to indicate what causes all those inconveniences (some days mild, many days severe) I don’t know the answer to that. What I do know is that I’m still alive, against all odds.
And it is my intention to keep it that way for quite some time, but hopefully with a somewhat improving quality of life.
no words can describe how glad I am that you still are around.
I know you will be celebrating my birthsay next week from a distance and I will raise a glass (or three) to you. Although we allways hope for a little miracle and find you ringing my doorbell…
I never give up the hope for miracles. Thank you!!
Glad to have you still around indeed. In spite of your pain and troubles you seem to be able to contribute a whole lot of good to the causes where your passions are. Although sometimes it must feel like hell not tot be able to DO the things as you whished to do them. Therefore you a hero and a very very good friend, and perhaps that little miracle will occur some day, just to see you happy for more than one hour.
With love
Thanks xxx
Everything men kind is trying to say something that matters, sounds like dust in the wind. In other words, there is no way of deeply understanding somebodies situation for real! Never the less I keep trying to step into somebodies mind to understand just a fraction of the fenonomal wrestling of the body and mind. I belief in that following order. Pain should’nt be an issue although I meet a lot of patients that are in deeply pain because they are allergic for painkillers and have to take the suffer. Lo, I wish, I wish…. I wish but to be honest I wil never be able to be in the precies situation to say what I wish. Yes, I do understand the energytaking visits and yes I feel that I take absolutely not enough moments to visit you! Do I feel ashamed about that? Is it because I have burried myself in all this timesteeling medical information films? No and no again. Yhe only reason to feel ashamed is the simple fact that I just DO NOT take the right or quality time to visit you or to call you! Yes I’m the most busiest person on earth! Yes I think everything is more important than a little bit time for you! And Yes again I have sometimes hasitations to take action! So believe it or not but I’ll call you like hell on a short notice. The reason that I tell this in public is simple. Time is your friend and time is your enemy. Knowing my status in life, many people will instanly know or understand what this means!
My love to everybody who takes care of my friend Lodewijk that guy who has the guts to be so open as he is!
I look forward to your call and visit, whenever it will be
“Het leven is wat je overkomt,terwijl je andere plannen maakt(te)”. John Lennon
Dit overkwam jou, chapeau voor de wijze waarop je er mee omgaat.
Lieve Lo, heel veel hoop, geluk en passie voor nu en the time to come.
Liefs Marjo
Hi Lodewijk,
I send my best wishes to you and hope that you feel stronger every day.
With one of my students, an RN, I did a preliminary study of why people write blogs about their diagnosis and treatment. Would you consider participating in our study with your own insights?
Thank you also for announcing my upcoming course – I have one European already signed up.
Warm wishes,
Lisa
he mensch, zin in een lekker etentje? kookofkookik? of gaan we naar een restaurant?
bart