As I said in my previous post, it’s 3 years ago. I will try to write more often the coming weeks to tell the story of what happened, as it has shaped my life in an unbelievable way. However, I can’t make any promises, as things are certainly not improving and the fatigue is an ever growing burden.
Set back
•February 12, 2009 • Leave a CommentLast week it was 3 years ago that I discovered the quickly growing lump that destined my life ever since. From previous experiences I know that 3 years is a critical time span. It is recent enough to retain correct memories and it is long enough ago to realise that it is the past. Now is the time to recount the story once more and then leave it behind. The cancer story, that is, and the whole process and all the events that came with it. I can only hope that I will find myself in a similar position some time from now about my current situation as a chemo patient.
A Life with Side Effects
•January 29, 2009 • 1 CommentThat’s what characterizes the life of a chemo patient. At least in my case, as there seem to be very few with whom I can compare my situation. The neuropathy, in the classical sense, is obvious. Even those who don’t see themselves as chemo patients know how long lasting and painful neuropathy can be after finalising cancer treatment. The fatigue is another aspect that is well known to former cancer patients. With one small remark, the vast majority received radiation treatment, I did not.
Silence
•January 15, 2009 • 1 CommentI have been silent here for a while, as I have been silent almost everywhere for the last month. The Saturday before Christmas I felt so bad, that I wondered for the first time whether I would be willing to make it till the end of the next year (so 2009), let alone even longer.
Goals
•December 12, 2008 • Leave a CommentPassion. That is the main drive to achieve your goals in life. And it has been in my life, in the early days when I wanted to be a professional musician and during those almost 2 decades that I was a conference organisor.
But never was passion so much involved as during the past 5 years with the founding and building of my foundation. After my first visit to the oncologist my main concern was what would happen to that foundation. In the 4 years of its existence we have achieved quite a lot, considering we did it without external funding and solely based on volunteers.
Frustrations
•December 3, 2008 • Leave a CommentThis blog is meant to give some insight in how it feels to be a chemo patient. I will try to be as objective as possible, or at least to avoid to seem to be moaning. But the fact remains that sometimes things are very frustrating. Yesterday I went to visit an old friend in town, who told me she often wonders where I find the energy to cope and continue doing things. Well, the answer is that it amazes me as well.
Confrontations
•December 1, 2008 • 1 CommentWhen I said, in the first entry of this blog, that I saw the day after my latest visit to my oncologist as the first day of the rest of my life, it was because I realised that I had to make the change from fighting against the chemo to fighting with the chemo. And I knew and know that it would not be easy.
Many moments will occur that will continue to confront me with the “limitations” that come with that decision. End of last week saw some of these confrontations happen.
Engage with Grace
•November 26, 2008 • Leave a Comment
Emotions 1
•November 26, 2008 • Leave a CommentYesterday was one of those days. Therefore I wanted to write, but I couldn’t because it was also one of those days.
Yesterday was one of those days I experienced too often in the past two years. A day when I simply am too tired and can only do the absolute necessary with some major effort. At least, that’s how the start of the day was. Fortunately, the last couple of months things tend to improve after my siesta. So in the afternoon I went to see my psychotherapist, ordered my new home trainer and made a couple of telephone calls.
However, I wasn’t able to write.
Yesterday was one of those days that mark an essential moment in my live. A date you just remember. 25 November is such a day, like 13 May, or 30 April. And when I look back at the first occurrence of each of those days, they all included a number of different aspects. 25 November was the day that marked the start of my second relationship. It was also the day that saw my very last performance, it was 1994.
Two Years
•November 24, 2008 • Leave a CommentTwo years ago today I received my last round of treatment. I said I would give an account of what happened in the past years, so this is the right occasion to give an overview of the treatment I received.
Let’s start with the official diagnosis: plasmablastair B-cell Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma, CD 20 negative.
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